Makeup

Dear Nick,
I was on a SEPTA train, running not-so-fashionably late to a meeting when I saw a young woman applying makeup to her face.  I took the seat behind her and I was captivated.  Inexplicably, this sight was perhaps one of the most beautiful moments I ever witnessed.  I was moved, not only by her beauty, but by the look on her face.  It was one of a certain shade of shy confidence; she was not embarrassed or nervous as she applied a touch of eyeliner, some dark red lipstick, and tweezed a few loose hairs hanging from her eyebrows, but she did seem anxious for some reason or another.  I was struck by the paradoxical nature of the moment.  Here we have a moment of utter self-consciousness, pure vulnerability being carried out, yet in a highly public environment.  I admired her adroit discretion; she had to make herself ready and by God she wasn't going to feel self-conscious doing so in front of a multitude of strangers.

Therein lies the true paradox- in a moment of hurried vulnerability, she was putting on makeup in a public place.  In many ways, makeup functions as a mask.  It is not meant to conceal oneself necessarily, but it is meant to accentuate positive attributes while marginalizing perceived blemishes.  In some ways, makeup is a physical attempt at projection; we desire to be perceived physically in a certain way.  By extension, we all erect walls and barriers to offer either a conscious or unconscious projection to others and ourselves.

Yet, we all have these little "makeup moments" don't we?  Sometimes in an act of accentuation and concealment where we hope to create a conscious projection, we ironically end up letting go and giving a slip.  One such moment in my life was when I interviewed at HUP for CPE.  I walked into the interview brimming with confidence and felt certain I was going to get the position.  All of a sudden, an additional supervisor entered the room and started asking penetrating personal questions.  In what was a perceived moment of confidence for me was actually a moment of inward psychological terror.  Later in the summer, that same supervisor joked that she chose me for the team precisely because I looked terrified.

As the Bard once wrote, "Conceal me what I am, and be my aid/ For such disguise as haply shall become/ The form of my intent."  My advice to you is that you keep a watchful eye for these "makeup moments" in your own life, where you can muse on these occurrences where you encounter walls and barriers within yourself.  By becoming more aware of your conscious and unconscious projections, so too might you become aware of other people's as well.  Cultivate an inner awareness of how you accentuate and conceal yourself to communicate a projection first, so that you may be more mindful and compassionate towards those of other people.  Thus, you will gain a greater sense of empathy for fellow human beings.

Here endeth the lesson,
Kyle