Drive

Dear Nicholas,
What drives you?  This question has consumed much of my thought...well I guess forever, but especially this past year.  According to Merriam Webster, the word "drive" can be defined as:

1.  to operate and control the direction and speed of a motor vehicle
2.  to propel or carry along by force in a specified direction

or:

3.  an innate, biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need

The third option is perhaps the most significant to me.  You know how much I connect the psychological to the spiritual, the mind and the soul.  To me, they are the strange bedfellows of the universe, always complementing and contradicting one another.  In this definition of "drive" they seem akin to me for a specific reason.

In particular, I find that what drives us is often where we find meaning in itself.  To Nietzsche, we are driven by the will to power.  This will is stronger even then our will to live; the desire to excel and to place ourselves in the best position possible.  For Freud, it is the pleasure principle- we will ourselves to fulfill our desires and satisfy an innate need for pleasure.  Victor Frankl offers another opinion however.  He argues that the most basic human drive is the will to meaning.  We are all driven by a desire to find meaning for our lives and the world in general.  Even if the meaning is that life is objectively meaningless, it is still a satiation of that unconscious need to find meaning.

So, what drives you Nick?  I have been trying to understand that about myself recently.  I desire to know what drives me so I can meet that need.  Another way of asking is this: what are you passionate about, Nick?  What is your passion?  Place this question at the forefront of your discernment during your time at seminary, Nick.  I can see you getting pulled in many directions, many ways of doing things, roles to fulfill.  However, return to the Source.  In this instance, I don't just mean God, but also the Source as in the source of your personal meaning- your passion.

Lastly, remember it has to be an abundant passion, rich in personal meaning for you.  The word "passion" comes from the Latin word passio, which means "to suffer."  What gives us meaning and drives us will undoubtedly also lead to suffering if it is important to us.  They are intertwined; in order to be passionate about someone or something, one must be willing to suffer to some degree, or pay the full measure.  So, when you think about what you are passionate about, also think about what you are willing to suffer for?  Consider aspects of your passion as well as aspects of your suffering.  I hope this thought aids you as you discern your vocation in seminary.  Remember, a drive (whether one of a vehicular or biological nature) is about reaching a goal or meeting some end.  Reflect on the drive in itself, and you may get a glimmer of what that end is.

Doth thou even hoist, brethren?
Kyle